At the age of 21 I became a father to a precious little girl. My heart was set on being a good dad to my daughter but I was still entangled in reckless activities. For the next four years my life felt like a rollercoaster ride. I was in court battling for rights to see my daughter because my relationship with her mom fell apart. To make it worst I got myself incarcerated twice because of my destructive “mind-set.” The situation I was in made me feel like the world was caving in on me. I wanted to do the right things but the built-up anger that I had lead me to do the opposite. I “Now” understand that is what sin does, it brings forth destruction. But In this period of my life I felt as if I had no hope left so I indulged myself deeper into sinful desires. All the friends I had around me thought I was on “top of the world” because I had the fancy car, the new sport bike and ATV’s in the garage, money in my pocket, and different relationships with females. To everyone around me I was living the “American dream.” But as I left a night club one night and I drove to this place I would go to think overlooking the intercostal and I did not feel like I was on top of the world. As I sat in my fancy car overlooking the water I started to have suicidal thoughts. In my mind thoughts appeared and shouted: it is over, you are a disappointment, why continue-on, you will never see your daughter, you’re too far gone, just drive the car into the water and the pain will stop. It was the darkest point in my life but something inside of me didn’t want to lose hope. Thoughts ran in my head about my daughter and my responsibilities as a father. I believed in my heart that I would get visitation rights to see her and my life would change for the better. A couple months later I did get visitation rights by the courts so I decided to get away from the destructive lifestyle and focus my time on her. My life got better but was still indulging myself in sinful behaviors.

At the age of 29 I had my son by another woman. For the next three years I felt like I was back on the same rollercoaster ride again. Here I was back in court fighting for custody of my son as the relationship with his mother fell apart. The same feelings of guilt and shame I experienced I couple years earlier surfaced again and I felt like giving up once again. I felt like I would never have a life without seeing a court room. In my mind I believed I got dealt a bad hand in life. I thought to myself I have been staying out of trouble and I’m go to church so why do things just keep going wrong? Is God angry with me? Is He punishing me? Later in life I found the answers to those questions. See for all those years I attended the Catholic church on Sundays but for the wrong reasons. I never understood the true meaning of church.

In the end of 2010 a friend invited me to Calvary Port St Lucie. I felt like I had nothing to lose so I decided to attend. Calvary was completely different than the Catholic church I attended so at first, I felt out of place. The worship was different and the preaching was a verse by verse study in one of the books in the Bible. But what attracted me was the joyful and loving atmosphere. The pastor did have my attention as he preached verse by verse with passion. I remember my thought being I will give this a try for one month and that’s it. That is where the transformation began! As I came Sunday after Sunday I felt as if the pastor was preaching directly to me. I felt as if God was talking to me through his preaching. I never felt that way before in a church environment. Couple of months later during a praise and worship song I broke down in tears. We were singing a song “At the Cross” by Hillsong. The words in this song penetrated straight to my heart. The words were “Oh Lord You searched me You know my way, even when I fail you I know you love me.” I thought how can God know everything I have done and still love me? I broke into tears as I felt an over-whelming sense of love come over me. I experienced a feeling of forgiveness I have never experienced before in my life. Right at that moment I asked God to forgive me of all my sins and surrendered my life to Jesus. I felt the weight coming off my shoulders as if I was “free” from all the guilt and shame in my life. All those years I believed God was mad at me and was punishing me. But in that moment, I felt His loving arms wrap around and embrace me. That experience was a changing moment in my life.

A couple of months later I followed Jesus command in Baptism. As I opened the Bible and studied God’s Word on Baptism it did not line up with what I was taught in the Catholic church. Studying scriptures, I learned the true meaning of Baptism. Scriptures teach that Baptism is the outward expression of what has already happened inward. It is where you publicly confess Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Baptism is the act of me laying my “old life” down and burying it with Christ and having a “new life” in His resurrection. A fresh start as a follower of the One who has forgiven me of all my sins and washed me with His blood. As I am writing this testimony, it has been 7-years since that day. I can honestly say what an “awesome” journey it has been. Christ Jesus has turned my heart and life around 180 degrees. I now am married to a wonderful Godly woman, we have a beautiful blended family of 5 boys and 1 girl. I am the campus coordinator for our church, I lead a men’s bible study group and I am going to college for my Associates of Arts in Biblical Studies. I never thought in a million years I would be where I am now.

As I look back to all my struggles I now understand what the main problem was in my life. I was “running” from this awesome relationship that God wanted to have with me. See I was going to church but to be completely transparent with you, I was going with a check list attitude. Let me explain, I went to church because I believed that was the way God “would be ok with me” and it made me feel better about the sinful life I was living. The truth is the only person I was deceiving was myself because I was going with a selfish motive. I was not going because I loved God and wanted to praise Him, I was going because it made “me feel better.” I now understand why I never experienced His awesome love for me. It was only when I understood about the “relationship” that God wanted with me that everything changed. The moment I fixed my eyes in the mirror and understood that I was a sinner in need of forgiveness. In that moment Jesus (God) became real in my heart and the cause of it was a changed life.

We all live life searching for fulfillment but the problem is we try to fulfill our emptiness with everything but the One thing that truly fulfills us. That is the relationship with Jesus. He is the only person that will fulfill your heart and change your life, nothing else has the power to change our hearts and save our soul. I have personally experienced that power in my life. My life was a mess for years because I was running and trying to find fulfillment in all the wrong things. On the outside, I looked like I had it all together but inside my heart was broken and empty. The truth is I was looking for forgiveness for all the wrong I had done but instead I tried to medicate the pain with material possessions, partying, fornication, and money. Everything the world system told me would make me happy and successful. Instead it made me broken and empty. But when I met Jesus I experienced His forgiveness and love for me and He was the cause of a changed life. He gave me a new heart with new desires and secured my entrance into heaven. My desire is to serve Him and praise His name forever! I hope that you experience this life changing encounter with Jesus. Remember it does not matter what you have done or where you come from, Jesus loves you and wants to embrace you wherever you are at in life. He is the only one that has the power to forgive and cleanse us of our sins. He wants to give you assurance of your salvation and the peace that passes understanding that follows. Thank you for taking the time to read my testimony God bless.